NBI is Stupid ! That’s Why I’m Farming Gold in WoW with Your Fat Feminist Mother.

Now, that’s a title!

One of the most important things about blogging is your title. Your title is the first thing people see. It is what attracts them to your blog in the first place. Without a catchy title, people will ignore your post all together.

Today, I am going to give you tips on titles and examples of how to liven up your title. These are just examples and should not be used on your blog. Trust me, I will hunt you down and feed you to possums. Possums don’t seem too vicious, but after they spend 10 hours of playing dead next to you, they’re going to want a snack.

Here are my 5 sure-fire ways to attract readers to your blog, simply because of your title:

1. Always use the name of a popular game in your title. For instance, if you are talking about a boring game like Champions Online you’ll want your title to read: “The secrets of gold farming in WoW reviled!”

Of course your post has nothing to do with WoW or gold, but if your first sentence in the post reads: “WoW good farming is stupid, so I’m going to talk about what I did in CO last night, instead.” See, you just made your post relevant to WoW gold farming. I call that a post win!

2. Your title should piss people off. You can be the most polite person in the world and your post be all rainbows and ponies, but you need to get your reader emotionally invested before they start reading. Here is an example: “Feminists don’t play MMOs because they whine too much”

As you can see, that might piss a lot of people off. As long as you follow up in the first sentence with: “B@$#h, be crazy anyways. You don’t want her playing our games!”

You should be totally fine, then. Nobody will second guess your authority and they will gladly visit your blog for many years to come.

3. Everybody knows a popular post has politics in the title. Even if you hate politics and know nothing about them, you should add key political phrases in your title. Here is a good title: “Romney blows Obama Away in the polls like SWTOR does WoW!”

The great thing about this title is, you don’t need a follow up sentence. The title alone explains you are talking about video games and how smart you are that you can link it with current political events. After a title like that, nobody will question anything you say in the post. You could even tell people SWTOR has more subscribers than WoW. Nobody will care because you are smarter than them.

4. Flat out lie. Who needs facts, charts, statistics, and concrete evidence when you can just lie about it in your title. Yeah, you can redeem yourself by researching the truth for the meat of your post, but why bother, you’re doing great without it. A great title would be: “GW2 announce over 1 billion interested in playing their game at launch.”

Obviously, we all know that is a lie. You can easily regain the trust of your reader in the first sentence by simply saying, “In China.” Your reader will bonk their head, grab a V8 from Jackie Chan, and read your post like Budda said it himself.

5. I saved the best tip for last. This advice will get you millions of hits and thousands of comments. All because you had an epic title. It is brilliant, so hold on to your Cheetoes!

Call another blogger out in your title. Oh, and make sure he/she is more popular than you. You want all their readers to run at you with torches and pitch forks. A great and simple title would be: “Syp is an Idiot and he can’t blog his way out of a paper bag!”

I am telling you, you will have so many visitors and comments, you’ll have to start a new blog and change your name. It would be that awesome. You would get so much email, Google would want stock in you. As for a follow up sentence, there is no need, the title speaks for itself. Shoot, you don’t even need a post at all with that title. Syncaine would want you to adopt him. The world of MMO blogging would be yours to rule.

Well, I think that is enough great advice to get you started on the best blogging adventure of your life. With my tips, you’ll be the most popular blogger ever. Try not to use them all at once though, too much too fast could blow up in your face. Just look at Lindsey Lohan.

(Disclaimer: Seriously, don’t do any of these. If you do, you’re stupid! I am not to be trusted. Your Momma!)