Most bloggers will blow rose colored smoke up your ass. I’m not here to make blogging look glamorous or fill your head with ponies vomiting rainbows turing into ponies vomiting rainbows. I’m going to give you the cold hard truth. You’re not going to like it, but if you still want to blog after this post, you NEED to blog after this post.
Here is my list of do’s, don’t, myths, and whatnot. At the end you’ll understand how they all are facts if blogging is where you heart is.
1. Don’t swear blogging… Fuck you! Do what ever the hell you want. Swear don’t swear, who gives a shit it’s your blog.
2. Don’t worry about hits… You WILL worry about hits. You are blogging and the purpose of blogging it to get attention. You want hits even if you lie to yourself.
3. Edit your brains out… If you love editing have a nut. If you just want to write and editing is a chore, don’t edit who cares. What, are you afraid somebody is going to call you out? Fuck them!
4. Adsense… If you want to be famous and make money blogging, go back to school, get your head out of your ass and do NOT blog.
5. Comment on other blogs to get noticed… What are you an egotistical dick? Comment on other blogs because you love what they are saying.
6. Link other blogs to get link backsies… Only if you mean it. Don’t just regurgitate what they are saying. Add to what they say or you’re not blogging, you’re link whoring.
7. Add pictures to break up your post… Again, if you want to. Don’t do something if you don’t want to. The most famous blogger I know doesn’t add a single picture, EVER.
8. Take advice from other bloggers… Lol, they are just as clueless as you are. That is why they are blogging. We just like to hear the voice inside our head.
9. Add key words in your title or post to get hits… Yeah and sacrifice your soul for a flaming bag of shit. Write words that mean something not words that drive traffic to you.
10. Blog because you love to blog… Exactly! All the other advice you’ll ever get is bullshit thrown at you to make you think blogging is some kind of Holy Grail. It’s a fucking DIARY ON LINE! Write what your heart feels and don’t censor a damn thing. This is your space to be you. You’re not some game journalist. You’re a 12 year old girl that was just French kissed by the zit faced boy next door and you hope he touches your tits tomorrow.
Use blogging to practice to become a game journalist if you want, but you better love it or you’ll fail. Blogging is all about your love and passion for writing. Leave your dreams of grandeur and riches at the door. Buy a lottery ticket, you’ll have a better chance to hit it big.
Grow some balls and write what you love. This post has swears, I’ll check to see if I get hits, I didn’t edit it at all, I didn’t comment on a single blog today, I didn’t link anybody, no ads, opposite what other bloggers tell you, no key words, and I loved every fucking word I wrote.
10 Responses to “NBI: Advice You Don’t Want to Hear”
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Hehe….and all of this I summed up in one sentence: “I don’t believe in do’s and don’ts”
I admit though your version is funnier.
The one & only reason I still write online is because I have to write. It’s part of who I am. I purposely described my wordpress site as a ‘journal’ because, like you said, this is an online diary. Nothing more, nothing less.
I may not get traffic, money, bribes, link-backs, comments or whatever BUT I’m not around to prop up established avenues. My ethic is the zine ethic, that being counter-culture NOT lick-ass posturing.
Agreed with everything, sir. Especially the part about the fucking curse words.
I’m afraid you’ve managed to fail in your mission, right from the start. You see, by merely mentioning filling my head with Ponies vomiting rainbows which turn into Ponies vomiting rainbows, you’ve managed to fill my head with Ponies vomiting rainbows which turn into Ponies vomiting rainbows. And I don’t like it. Not one bit. Now, if the Ponies had merely vomited rainbows, that would be fine, but having that vomit turn into more Ponies. Well, that’s just a step too far and I will say Good Day to you sir.
I lauhed so hard, I busted a testicle. Wait I post pictures, so I’m not going to be internet famous?? Boo Hoo
You mean I can’t be the Drudge of gamer blogs? Well, damn!
Seriously, great post. And I laughed my ass off at the “What are you and egotistical dick?” line.
I can’t get past figuring out how the pony vomit cycle ever ends.. I think it is the end of the universe..
Omg this post was great! This is the attitude every warlock has in WoW that most mages ingame can’t figure out. You sir, made me ruin a shirt from snorting out my drink while reading and laughing! Great advice and and I thank you…
I love this, I have been reading the advice so far from the NBI (late i know) and this epitomises what i have felt in regards to some of the advice…. I have even been *** out my swearwords lately, well FUCK THAT
It’s all about letting it flow how I comes to you naturally in your head. Censoring yourself just hinders the creative process. I read you blog your write really good. Don’t let those uptight bloggers get to you.